mixed emotions and topics.

NIP/TUCK SERIES PREMIERE WAS BEAUTIFUL/POETIC/ AND GREAT.


Okay so right about now i am pleased with myself because of how wonderful the premiere was....
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i slept for numerous hours today
I went home early and slept until 3:30.
exhaustion. plain and simple.
no coffee this morning and was not able to stay awake.
besides that I m psyched about Halloween tomorrow.
yea.

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i am trying to figure out why life has meaning and why i deal with people i can't stand on an average basis.
all seems well at first but after being friends for numerous months you start to see they are very annoying and are coincided.
too bad they do not under stand that.

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nicotine/menthol would taste great right now.

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child hood memories (nostalgia)
are something very important and meaningful to me.
i do not think people understand
that i dream of the days
where i would dance for hours
to my fathers music with him,
and play with lucky.
i miss those days so,
keeping them locked in my pocket
right along with my pride.
i wish to high hell i can give my children
the same joy i had.
as a child i know that it wasn't the greatest childhood
but knowing that my father has always been there for me means alot.
he did alot for me and i will always look up to him
no matter what his habits are/were.
sometimes i here a song that reminds me of him,
and i break down crying
that i hurt him by not calling and visiting
often or at least as often as i should have.
life in general means alot to me
and keeping every moment of the good and bad
is something you want to keep with you.
i try not to forget the imporatant things
but i still do
it is the useless days
where you just sit that for hours
doing nothing
and there is a single sentence/ moment
that happened that you will never forget.
i love these memories and each time i hear these songs
i rejoice in the thought of childhood.
i keep it all inside
one day i will let the world see it too.
possibly by doing this(blogging)
or am making a major piece of art work.
who knows
all i know is that i love nostalgic memories.
and my fathers music.

M.E. Olly

so here is the newer big thing in life being stressed by friends because they seem so caught up with their life with boys of which none of them have.. they need to live before getting involved too seriously because all that does is get you in truble one way or the other___________________________



i am keeping kept inside
not afraid to hurt someone
just afraid that i will lose them.
throwing spoons and kicking clothes
a friction starts..
at least in mind
it explodes much more than it should.
cotton ball bubbles
and card board bathtubs (with waterproof paint of course).
i am not sure what is happening
all i know is that
i want to shank you
and i am sorry Mr. M.E. Olly
that i kicked you in the testicles earlier
i should apologize again
although you forgave me..
it was funny though i must admit.
Halloween right around the corner
full of mischief in my heart but not as much on the streets.
Friday hopefully will be a day
of more than Platonic love.

so we killed her.

sleeping in infinity and forever forgetting the lies we all told after her death.

i drive them crazy.

give me a week.
and i will blow your mind.
(literally)



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p.s. i wrote my name in wet cement today.

"Don't get blood on my Prada Shoes"

Kelly killed another one.
Once again walked a ladder to sheer victory.
no one hurt besides here
dear Prada shoes.
To bad he got a nose bleed.
He might have been still alive

Henry Baily

Henry Baily
Sleeping in the wrong room
and accepting that he wasn't what you found yesterday
when you looked in the mirror.
About the life of
glamor now lost
to that empty '40'.
Again.

slipe 'n' slide down my slope

Following those outlines like trying to tie shoes.
Floors dirty as fuck but with a sensibility to it. (somewhat comforting)
Never asking question,
and always contradicting
these rules.
You follow like it was the bible.
written like poetry on top of a masterpiece.
to bad you'll never read it.

sorry to ruin you dreams, babe.

Fiction is what you are.
Sitting there at the counter.
In you cowboy boots and heavily drawn on eyes.
Never keeping it simple.
You change yourself every other day,
and constantly are running away,
from what you thought was your past.
What you never knew
was that you will never really leave this life.

F**K YOU AMERICA

I would like to trip you
into those
trees.
Wondering what was on your mind.
Too bad this is
fiction.

idylic

Here is something i would love to enjoy:


Playing hopscotch with perfect gesture and such. Never having the thought of the chill of this cold fall wind. All I can remember are those brightly drawn chalk lines and marks and the way the November wind had an aroma of leaves falling from a nearby tree. That was the day I could smell the crisp air change for the first time.

slipping through the cracks

I would like to keep these
secrets
between these floorboards
hiding behind the small cupboard
of the downstairs world.
i still wonder
what it is like down there.
perhaps then
i may have a lie to tell.

caffeine flavored toffee

I keep these very few things true
with my eyes shut
trying to remember
YOUR factor in life.
I sleep through the days
barely ever actually awake
keeping caffeine in my pocket
perhaps in my mouth
Its still the thought though
you look at life through kaleidoscope eyes
and see a world of hate
of which you will never fully understand
of course,
that is
perhaps you should lay off
the caffeine

twilight zone blues

Imagine if people walked on their hands and ate with their toes.
Taking pictures while blinking
and there was no such thing as speciesism,
when all species were intertwined to form one.
We would be called fill in the blanks.
Playing cards with the queen and drinking tea with the jester.
Speaking in tongues that no one knows but you.
When all secrets are lies and all truth is forbidden.
Playing hide-and-seek in an empty white room
and yet you can never find the other person.
That's the problem with thinking in and out of tune with these other
fill in the blanks.
Never knowing when a legion would fall out of place
and get destroyed like the other two thousand some odd number do.
Refusing to wear socks and
addicts are people who paint their nails.
Where vocabulary is useless except
for in fish tanks
when we go diving for ice cream
made by starfish
and burning the flag is how we represent this world.
How we keep it in tune,
that is,
of course,
how i want it to be,
but then again,
I am an impressionist and i see through one eye,
forgetting the sounds of tomorrow and the future of yesterday,
keeping these access shoelaces out of my hair
and inside my stomach.
When Mickey Mouse ran for president of this world of which is unnamed.
And yet harmony is an explicit message
and anarchism is something never forgotten.

theory!

"Yes. Say this blanket represents all the matter
and energy in the universe, okay?


You, me, everything.



Othing has been left out, all right?
All the particles, everything.


- What's outside this blanket?
- More blankets. That's the point.


- Blanket's everything.
- Exactly. This is everything.


Let's just say
that this is me, all right?


And I'm, what, 60-odd years old
and I'm wearing a gray suit.


Blah, blah, blah.
And let's say over here, this is you.


And, you're... I don't know,
you're 21. You got dark hair, etc.


And over here, this is Vivian,
my wife and colleague.



Then over here, this is
the Eiffel tower, right? It's Paris.


And this is a war.
And this is, uh, a museum.


And this is a disease.
And this is an orgasm.


And this is a hamburger.


- Everything is the same even if it's different.
- Exactly.


But our everyday mind forgets this.
We think everything is separate.


Limited. I'm over here.
You're over there. Which is true.


But it's not the whole truth
because we're all connected.


Because we... are connected."







BEST LOGIC IN THE WORLD!!

jawbreakers

taking walks in sand
and on stars
now gone but not lost
still dreaming while awake
and keeping eyes
shut
to secure insanity
never letting go
of the fear
insanity
and of course you in so many ways
wondering how life was lost
and how you began
what was that color we spoke of
such as flowers
and simultaneously tieing access shoelaces
intertwined in a giant knot formed into a lucky charm
such as myself as you trust me
i keep these secrets in my mind
and with others
i apologize just not to myself
if only we could pretend
that i was someone else
and we could forget it all
i hope life could be that easy
forgetting who we all
were just seeing the BIGGER picture
understanding that we are not the only ones
we have to think of ourselves
as much as others
but that doesn't leave much time does it
it is horrid that i think
this way of illogical
butterflies and pixies tails (or tales)
in my mind
sleeping and seeing
the truth at the same time
for once.

christian in my heart is unreal or just dead

it's funny how i can sit here in my underwear and a tank top because my legs are drying because of the lotion. i slept well last night but was confused as hell when i woke up somewhere i didn't fall asleep and next to lady R. that was fine though. it scares me to think that i am losing my friends from suicide assumptions and childish fights.. in the end i wonder what life is like. maybe self destruction is a beautiful art and need to try more of it... i doubt it though. i mean to relieve stress i bite my arms which leave circular bruises but isn't it better than suicide? i need a better excuse to love people different from me.


i believe i may be psychic... honestly.. the first day i ever say a Mr. Woodcock commercial i could tell you exactly what it was about... i am going to see it tonight to see if i am correct, then to a haunted house.. oo spooky..


paramore is good to listen to like right now but very annoying after about 2 consecutive hours of it. name also came from friends last name.. piece of info.

art shaped whole

"I love him, I worship him. I masturbate to Duran Duran videos. "Andy Warhol.

I have always thought well art is a rebel against society so if i used this quote for my class wouldnt I be making a stand?