theories from the underground

pour my heart out one day at a time..
only recently
i found out what it was like to have one.
to worry,
to have real feelings,
about friends, family, myself but it all is so confusing.
like finding the right card in a shuffled deck.
i am no magiacian
i cant fix the world myself.
but i sure as hell can try
and that is what i will do.
love for children and fear of death..
not really i am more than ready for such a thing
more less worried about the impact on myself rather than others..
haha how concided.
phone calls: GRAND CENTRAL STATION
and yet all i really want is
a job,
a life,
and some food i can call my own.
freedom..
break away from the leash, run away from the world and hide under a rock..
that will surely never happen because life is so well worth doing and not woth the waiting.
in my eyes that is
i am not all that sure about you
or how you look at me
although secretly i wish i did know
and i wish you knew how i felt
i will keep it hidden for a good 20 some years.
tipsy turvy life style not knowing which way to go..
maybe we all should end thid nonsense
and understand that in reality life could all somewhat be pleasing you know?
there is no reaon for depression really.
only chemical imbalances
cause things and fairys will fix them.
unless they come to late and BANG your dead.
fall of a building
whoops i saw it on tv..
haha poor people and ther pathetic excuses...
i really wish the dark carnival could come pick me up
like people say all six joker cards layed out and i am waiting....
it needs to hurry so many thoughts about death
and i know i will never actually do it..
tried drowning but never really satisfied me..
constant lieing has a big impact i think..
should probably stop that some time down the road..
do things with my life
i know i can but i dont have the drive..
only about 35% of the time do i get that drive
and what a wonnderful drive that is..
hormones are horrible likeing and haitng to many people at once..
one day i will find what i need to find untill then i will sit idol..
unless of course i need to urinate.